I like update posts.
Gives me some weekly focus.
You’ll see more of these.
Lame Update Haiku. Boom.
I have some fun stuff planned this week. First, I’ll be sharing more notes from my permaculture class, I’m really excited about that! The teacher covered patterns more in-depth and THEN he started talking about sacred geometry, and THEN he mentioned Nassim Haramein and the work he is doing! I was soooooo stoked!
For me, that was one of those weird universal signs that say, “You are going in the right direction!”; this kind of thing has happened to me so many times since I’ve started learning about permaculture. It really blows my mind how these concepts and ideas tie together with all these different things I am interested in. It’s like some kind of puzzle piece that makes the whole picture a bit easier to see. I should write a blog on that… It’s downright weird in a way.
I will also make a post to share some information on Nassim Haramein and the Resonance project this week, so people can understand why I am so very stoked on this subject!
I have some more random art posts to share that I didn’t get to last week and I’ll be sharing some more news articles I’ve come across that are just awesome!
Finally, I will be posting a video of my mini-aquaponics system that shows some of the tweaks and adjustments I’ve slowly been making. I figure posting a video of it might make it easier understand how everything works.
That’s it for now.
I ask for honesty, but do I give it away freely, to myself and others as well?
I just went through a certain thought process this morning that has me pondering this question.
You see, when I woke up today, I wasn’t in the greatest mood. Groggy, I literally spent the whole day and much of the night before working on a project, I put a lot of time and effort into it and was really looking forward to getting some feedback on it. I wanted to know that everything was OK and acceptable and that I did a good job on it, that it was what they were looking for.
When I finally submitted my project, it was almost two in the morning and I’d been working on it non-stop since I woke up. I was a bit disappointed when I found out no one would be looking at it until the next day. Then again, it was nearly 2 in the morning, so that wasn’t very surprising. I didn’t hold it against them.
What got me bummed out was waking up today to find I still hadn’t received a response. I’m normally pretty nocturnal, so for me morning means like 10 or 11. (At the earliest)
So, I look at the clock and I still haven’t received any feedback and this got my mind turning in an unfortunate direction. It started crafting this story about how much I suck and they probably hate it and don’t know how to tell me.
Then it became, “Why won’t they tell me???”
“”They must not like it? What’s wrong with it? Is it really that bad?!?
“Am I that hard to talk to?” ”Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrch!!”
I started to feel like Tweak from Southpark; stressed out and my eye was twitching…
My mind was spiraling into an abyss of self loathing and pity and all this muckety, muck nasty stuff.
Then I remembered something.
This is a just story I’m creating, that’s it. I can re-write it.
I decided there’s probably a much better way to tell this story and it doesn’t have to involve me spiraling to an abyss of self-hatred and fear, curled up in the fetal position on the floor. (I made that last part up for funnies. Ha ha. ) :P
I decided to write “my story” in another way.
When I woke up it was 11AM, there’s a 2 hour time difference for us, they might not even be awake!
I know they are really, really freaking busy right now and they work very long hours to get all this stuff done.
Not only do they have me bugging them, but a whole bunch of other people too.
I’m sure there are other projects which are much more urgent and require their attention. So, they simply may not have had a chance to look at mine, because they are busy with other things.
Let’s say hypothetically that my original “assumptions” were correct and they really don’t like what I’ve written. If that’s the case I’ll find out eventually and then I’ll have the opportunity to ask why that is and learn from the experience.
It wouldn’t mean the world is going to come crashing down around me and I suck so hard my head is going to implode; it just means I have more room to grow.
This is where I want to bring it back around to the original question at the beginning of this post, which was, “I ask for honesty, but do I give it away freely, to myself and others as well?”
This question was inspired when I was writing a (somewhat negative) blog post inspired by my feelings this morning. It was about honesty and telling people if you have an issue with them, instead of sugar coating things.
As I read it over I realized two things.
1)That blog was coming from a very negative space. That’s when I realized I needed to calm down and re-write the story.
2)That I was being a total fucking hypocrite. I wasn’t being honest, either with them, or with myself. I didn’t even realize it at first, but it all became quite clear to me as I started to ponder the idea.
I never told them that I really, really wanted someone to look at it. I didn’t tell them that I have this subconscious self-worth thing that makes me kinda freak out when I’m waiting to hear back on stuff I’ve been working on. I didn’t really give them details on the massive amount of time I had put into it. I didn’t say any of these things because I didn’t want them to think I was one of those needy people who has to have validation from others to feel worth while.
And then it hit me that I was deceiving myself too.
Maybe I am *a little bit* needy.
Perhaps I do require some validation from other people, feedback so I know what’s expected of me.
I think in healthy doses seeking validation can be a good thing. It can inspire people to give their very best, it can be a great motivator for achieving big things. It can enhance communication.
When does the need for validation cross over into unhealthy territory and how can we prevent that?
I get needy sometimes because I don’t always trust myself like I should Sometimes this causes me to create crazy scenarios and stories in my head like the ones I told you a little bit ago. The only thing it really gets done is making me all stressed out and eye twitchy.
Re-writing the story helps me recognize that is happening, it helps to keep my mind from spiraling into self defeating thought patterns by “providing different plot lines” I can focus on. This saves me from stress and the old, ”Arrgh!!! Too much pressure!”.
The whole experience has given me some extra food for thought, and I figured I’d share it with you.
P.S. I was finishing up this post when I finally got some feedback on my project; we need to make a couple little tweaks but otherwise, they love it! It’s all about the story. :D
I was talking with someone recently and it really struck me how vast the problems of the world can seem. In many ways, it can feel like our doom is unavoidable and would take a miracle to stop this destruction. It should come as no surprise that people feel apathetic…
I used to feel apathetic too. Apathy is dangerous because it’s essentially giving up hope. It’s a hard grey existence. I have strong suspicions that this sense of apathy is nurtured by big business and industry. Sick and unhappy people make good consumers.
I think a healthy sense of indignation and paranoia isn’t a bad thing to have in this world we’re living in. Especially when it comes to ads!
We live in an environment where there are suggestions constantly tugging at our awareness. It’s pretty much unavoidable. You can maybe close your eyes and go “La la la la laaaaaaa”, but that isn’t going to help you when you’re driving and that billboard suddenly pops into view. It’s good to be mindful of this stuff and take inventory of what is renting space in your head.
What are you filling your mind, body and soul with?
I make it a point to keep positive things in my awareness. Little bits of light that keep me from loosing faith in humanity and feed my sense of inspiration and wonder. Those bits add up and before you know it you’re looking at the world in a whole new light where nothing seems impossible.
God I love the internet, it’s great for that!
Please keep in mind, I’m not trying to preach that new age “ignore everything bad” philosophy, I think that’s pointless! Awareness is important, we need to be aware of our problems. More importantly, we need to be aware of our problems, and focused on the solutions within them.
I think one thing the mainstream media excels at, is keeping people in the dark, especially when it comes to inspiring news stories and scientific breakthroughs. Part of what inspired this post was the massive amount of articles that come through my Facebook feed which tell a much different story.
I thought it would be cool to put them all together here so you can see some of this stuff all at once.
Why not bombard yourself with positive inspiring news for a change?
Let some real life Star Trek into your awareness! :P
These articles and others tell me that we’re not doomed, we can change things.
We can take the reins on our lives and our futures and we’re fundamentally a part of something so much greater than this little gray illusion they’ve been trying to sell us.
See for yourself.